We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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