Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize