He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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I don't deserve a penis
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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