also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
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Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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