Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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