I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
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just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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