I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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