Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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