Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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