the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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