then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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