walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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