But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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