1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The power of my boobs compel you
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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