dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
vagina is talking i cant
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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