There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
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How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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