You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize