I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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