So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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