Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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