Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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