There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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