how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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