dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
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You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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