Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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