Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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