and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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