Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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