my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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