Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize