Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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