1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize