My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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