dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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