Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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