Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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