good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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