WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize