just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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