Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize