Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize