is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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