i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize