Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Green mimosas i think yes
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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