She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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