Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
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On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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