I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
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I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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At a point I was just cumming dust last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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