I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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