I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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