she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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