well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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