so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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